"Fun" at Best Buy

Wednesday was a blast. It started off with being told that my job isn't good enough, so I don't deserve a new computer. It has a lot of potential, i that it can give me a tiny bit of financial independence. I hate feeling as though I have to ask permission for basic needs. It would be nice to be able to buy stuff I want just because too. Like...a cup of coffee that I didn't have to brew myself. Because y old laptop has issues, it barely does basic things, is gross, and cracked thanks to the kids, new laptop is required. I felt so small...

In the end, he decided it was okay, so off we went to Best Buy. After two hours of looking at TVs, even though he said we weren't going to buy one, I found a good laptop. another two hours, and he had picked out a TV and stand, and we were at the checkout with three miserable, tired, hungry children. But we didn't buy anything, because he put inn the wrong PIN and his card was locked. His bank has no after hours service.

So...Thursday. We return to Best Buy just after they open their doors, amidst a mass of spectators and screwed up parking for a racing event across the street. We gather, again, the things we meant to buy and get to checkout. Card declined. Because he had not bothered to call the bank beforehand. Somewhat embarrassing to have to go through that again, but fixed, Purchased. Done.

Except that he knows I need headphones. Cannot transcribe without them. So we agree that I will be able to get them next time we go to Walmart. Except when we go to Walmart, he thinks none of the headphones there are good enough, so he doesn't want to "waste the money" even though he had no problem wasting the money on the crappy ones we had to return to the outlet store. Then the kids want headphones, and he throws a fit because they had the nerve to ask for 10 dollar headphones that he can't afford, but he can afford to spend 60 dollars on more shirts and a new watch for himself.

The television is great. It is an Insignia Roku TV. Very nice. It is the first nice thing we have had in a very long time. I'm getting very tired of feeling less than deserving. It hurts. It is depressing. The I have to force myself to give a shit about everything else, while I feel like nothing about me matters at all. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. It's just hard...