So it is "Easter"Sunday, and my kids tend to make a bit of a big deal about it. This is especially true of my older daughter. She is always big on ow important it is to spend time with family. Well, today she decided to slightly deviate from this to go to her friend's house and show her the Easter goodies she found this morning. This was decided on last night. My son's father though, is going to lunch with his friends, and will be away a significantly longer period of time. This upset my daughter, very much, because she actually thought that we, especially his son, might matter more to him than that.
I got a shitty text message just after he left about how horrible my daughter is for insisting that if he was going to go out to lunch on a holiday, it should be with the family. When I mentioned the fact that she was most upset because he was not here with his son, he said "well, I have spent more time with him today than she has". Um, she is his sister, you are his father. She spends more time with him on a daily basis than you do in a week. It does not matter that she spends less time with him today than you do, she is not his parent and his entire self worth will not take a hit like it may if your habits do not improve.
That being said, it is a shocker that he willingly spend about 45 minutes playing with the baby without being told to. Oh, wait, he had been told to so that I could put my contacts in undisturbed. I then found a few other things to waste time on just so he would pay attention to the child that is also his. When I went into the living room, he was not really spending time with him, not so much as he was reorganizing the couch cushions. That's some quality time right there. He also makes sure to shove in my face how generous he is and how ungrateful we are.
I think it is sad that we have become a society that does things merely for recognition of our generosity, however small. When I do things for my children, I do those things because I love them and love seeing them happy. I do not do them so I can tell them any time they misbehave or say something I do not like, that I am so generous so they should be grateful for every bit of attention and never be unhappy with anything I do. Oh, and getting kids Easter baskets that they don't know are from you and then being outraged that someone has an opinion on your behavior after your artificial generosity is pretty stupid.
I do know, and it is more clear now than ever, that he does not really care for my kids. He merely tolerates them. All of them, even the one that he helped create. I don't know what world he lives in, but if the intent is to keep me around, he has to do more than obviously tolerate them. In fact, to put on a good show of actually caring, that might have done the trick. I am really done with this relationship. Funny thing, my girls' dad made it painfully clear that even though Liam is not his son, he would be treated no differently. Why, because he is mine. If the little guy's father cannot show him the same courtesy, he does not need to be around. When the father acts like a cold step parent and the vice versa, maybe the latter is the best option.
I had decided even before I came back here though, that this was a temporary return. I feel nothing for this person anymore. What I had felt was lost soon after I learned I was pregnant and he became cold and distant. I would stay for love of his parents, but not at the cost of the children's happiness. I am miserable, my kids are miserable. The sooner we are out of here, the better off we will be...
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