Thursday, April 17, 2014

Fuck. Fuck that. Fuck off.

So this morning I was informed, not so politely, that I am not allowed to let my children sleep in the bed I sleep in if they have a nightmare. Yes, I share the bed with my son's father, but these are MY children. My daughters, not his. I am supposed to talk to them and MAYBE give them a hug and send them on their way. He even said he will take them in and toss them (yes toss) back on their beds if they climb in "his" bed.

What caused this? My seven year old had a nightmare. She was crying and needed comfort. I pulled her in ed and cuddled her back to sleep. Well, he can have HIS bed. I think I will, from now on, "accidentally fall asleep with them when I read their bedtime stories. I don't like sleeping with him anyway. There is always an attempt to force or guilt me into unwanted intimacy, and I am tired of it. What is worse, he is doing all of this while I am going through another pretty deep depression.

It is bad enough when he is jealous of my girls, and I have to basically beg him to spend time with our son, but this is ridiculous. It has gotten to the point that I will get up with the baby at 7 or so and the four year old will be asleep downstairs on the couch because she had a nightmare but she did not want to come in and wake me because she is afraid of him. 

I remember being seven. I had a total of three nightmares. That's all. Just the three. I just had those same three nearly every night. If my dad had just told me to either sleep on the floor or go back to bed, I think I would have been scarred for life. I am supposed to tell them to get over it. Really? What happened to parents trying to comfort a child when they are going through unnecessary fear?

That's okay. I guess I coddle them too much. Tomorrow, I am going to take the seven year old out and make her get a job, because feeding them is too expensive too, as per his complaints.

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